Apology to Dominique - ©2001, Lane Baldwin

Apology to Dominique

I cannot seem to form the words in ways you'll understand
How having lost my daughter's trust has scarred me to the bone
But here I'll try to pass along the things I've told to no one
Except myself when I'm alone so no one can bear witness

I rue the years when I succeeded so well in perfect failure
When the only things that held my thought were those that would destroy me
I sought for those who harbored hate to match my own self-loathing
For there were things about myself I couldn't bear to own

The things I thought I should have done and was sure I'd never master
Made me feel myself a failure and I thought I'd never change
Not even once considering the world might turn to let me
I shied away from anyone who'd love or comfort me

This included all my kin: sisters - mother - father
But even worse I left behind my flesh and blood: my daughter
And I forgot the vow I made when you survived your own beginning
To protect and love forever more no matter what came after

Buried in the hole I'd dug I no longer saw the sunshine
Even when it passed high overhead the shadows still engulfed me
So caught inside my own demise I missed collateral damage
Heaped upon the life of one so near and dear to me

It took so long to climb to safety I wearied of the climbing
But cut and bruised I persevered as one goal kept me going
The prize I sought was not of praise, not of fame and fortune
For all I treasured in my heart was to hold you once again

Now I weep with tears of joy when we share the briefest moment
And I look back to see my fears and all that they have cost me
But have they cost me your embrace or even your forgiveness?
Have we reached a point from which we never can turn back?

For if I wished upon a star and had my one wish granted
I'd wish the anger that you hold, though justified and valid
Might fade away as time goes by like fog upon the meadow
Burned away by noonday sun and so feel your love upon me.